INSTRUCTION stringlengths 32 136 | RESPONSE stringlengths 11 9.52k | SOURCE stringclasses 1
value | METADATA dict | __index_level_0__ int64 345 1,000k |
|---|---|---|---|---|
Can you share a joke that involves rip larry? | Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away
RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74 | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f6lii3/sad_news_the_founder_of_rjokes_has_passed_away/",
"nsfw": false
} | 29,360 |
How about a joke related to net neutrality? Do you have one? | Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...
Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ekt23/calm_down_about_the_net_neutrality_thing/",
"nsfw": false
} | 511,072 |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to ctrl key. Do you have one? | V
V
*Edit: seems like the ctrl key on my keyboard is not working
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6lfqep/v/",
"nsfw": false
} | 596,220 |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to epstein commited? | If your surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide this morning
Imagine how surprised he must have been.
Edit: Thank you to the Redditors that awarded this post. To everybody else I’m sorry I typed your instead of you’re. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/coj45m/if_your_surprised_that_jeffrey_epstein_commited/",
"nsfw": false
} | 141,894 |
Can you think of a joke that relates to getting reassigned that you could tell me? | A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
"Son I'm ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9mf1cz/a_new_navy_recruit_has_his_first_day_on_the/",
"nsfw": false
} | 329,338 |
Can you share a joke that involves white actors? | The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.
They're the Tolkien white guys.
Edit: Apparently somebody posted this joke to Twitter in October and that makes me a piece of shit.
¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7wtsuf/the_only_two_white_actors_in_black_panther_are/",
"nsfw": false
} | 463,911 |
Would you be willing to share a joke about ajit pai with me? | Ajit Pai.
That's it. That's the whole fucking joke.
EDIT: Removed edits, people don't like those. [](/rdcry) | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7jtg65/ajit_pai/",
"nsfw": false
} | 498,035 |
Would you be willing to share a joke about detonating bomb with me? | What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?
EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/dcuyha/what_did_the_reddit_user_say_after_detonating_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 108,414 |
What's a funny joke that relates to presidential election? | The 2016 US Presidential Election
That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5by0qh/the_2016_us_presidential_election/",
"nsfw": false
} | 763,884 |
Do you know any jokes related to hawaii early? | Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii **IS** the early warning system. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7qw3sz/everyone_in_hawaii_is_mad_about_the_malfunction/",
"nsfw": false
} | 478,416 |
Can you think of a joke that relates to net neutrality that you could tell me? | If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...
I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7esyjx/if_i_had_a_for_every_post_ive_seen_today_about/",
"nsfw": false
} | 510,433 |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to cold outside? | Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a593r0/twenty_years_from_now_kids_are_gonna_think_baby/",
"nsfw": false
} | 293,381 |
Do you know any jokes related to 2020 vision? | I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years
I don’t have 2020 vision
This is the only day you can upvote this
EDIT: Thank you sm for r/all ! Happy New Years! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7nbxbl/i_hate_when_people_ask_how_i_see_myself_in_3_years/",
"nsfw": false
} | 487,661 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves storm vatican? | If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican
We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cf6h70/if_america_is_storming_area_51_then_the_europeans/",
"nsfw": false
} | 154,712 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about female whale? | This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim u... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5k9tgu/this_is_the_dirty_joke_my_85yo_grandad_told_to/",
"nsfw": false
} | 728,461 |
How about a joke related to home parrot? Do you have one? | A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 ne... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/77g7ub/a_woman_goes_to_buy_a_parrot_the_prices_are_100/",
"nsfw": false
} | 529,944 |
Can you think of a joke that centers around impeach trump? | Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?
Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/eczclg/do_you_want_to_know_why_the_republicans_wont/",
"nsfw": false
} | 64,011 |
How about a joke related to south border? Do you have one? | Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.
Edit: Sorry. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/81e02g/call_me_a_racist_if_you_want_but_south_of_the/",
"nsfw": false
} | 452,739 |
I'm in the mood for a joke about shutdown bad. Do you have any good ones? | This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/floyyn/this_shutdown_is_bad_for_everyone_in_the_service/",
"nsfw": false
} | 9,885 |
What's a good joke that relates to currency dad? | A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...
...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ieoji/a_boy_asked_his_bitcoininvesting_dad/",
"nsfw": false
} | 501,571 |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with funniest jokes? | The funniest /r/jokes has ever been
None | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6caziq/the_funniest_rjokes_has_ever_been/",
"nsfw": false
} | 625,315 |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with anal virginity? | My wife said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she'll give up her anal virginity tonight!
Please don't. She's out of town on business until Tuesday. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/acaqqm/my_wife_said_if_this_post_gets_1000_upvotes_shell/",
"nsfw": false
} | 279,002 |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves child crying. | Why was the anti-vaxxer‘s 4 year old child crying?
Midlife crisis | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8fy9y1/why_was_the_antivaxxers_4_year_old_child_crying/",
"nsfw": false
} | 417,400 |
Can you think of a joke that centers around liberals acting? | Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5cclga/liberals_are_acting_like_trump_is_going_to_kill/",
"nsfw": false
} | 761,295 |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to base united? | The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...
... United. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/64oinr/the_front_page_is_filled_with_memes_in_reference/",
"nsfw": false
} | 652,990 |
Can you think of a joke that centers around lee funeral? | For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9xd4en/for_anyone_attending_stan_lees_funeral/",
"nsfw": false
} | 308,353 |
What's a funny joke that relates to koreans believe? | North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/aime9b/north_koreans_believe_they_live_in_the_best/",
"nsfw": false
} | 267,031 |
Do you know any jokes related to disney owns? | Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.
[deleted] | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7k3lqf/disney_now_owns_star_wars_marvel_indiana_jones/",
"nsfw": false
} | 496,861 |
Do you know any jokes related to scandal elongate? | I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal
Elongate would be really drawn out. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7he12e/i_hope_elon_musk_never_gets_involved_in_a_scandal/",
"nsfw": false
} | 504,087 |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to mumble rapper. Do you have one? | So Tekashi69 could face life in prison
Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
Edit: i am aware he isnt a mumble rapper | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9zd1b9/so_tekashi69_could_face_life_in_prison/",
"nsfw": false
} | 304,538 |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves letters? | What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6e9s2j/what_has_4_letters_sometimes_9_letters_but_never/",
"nsfw": false
} | 618,286 |
Do you know any jokes related to joke monocle? | Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6y81nc/still_my_favorite_joke_i_ever_made_up/",
"nsfw": false
} | 556,155 |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves kilograms overnight? | Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7g4kpk/imagine_if_americans_switched_from_pounds_to/",
"nsfw": false
} | 507,224 |
Can you think of a joke that relates to arrest suspicion that you could tell me? | My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6fl7jt/my_girlfriend_dressed_up_as_a_policewoman_and/",
"nsfw": false
} | 613,907 |
Would you be willing to share a joke about accidentally cheating with me? | TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask
Whoops, wrong sub | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5nx0el/tifu_by_accidentally_cheating_on_my_wife_at_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 713,598 |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with telling lion? | A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudl... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8vx7ym/a_lost_dog_strays_into_a_jungle_a_lion_sees_this/",
"nsfw": false
} | 382,242 |
What's a good joke that relates to book club? | What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?
Church
Edit: Holy shit. On the front page of reddit. Well this blew up overnight... Thanks for the golds! I really don't deserve this. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6ryas3/what_do_you_call_a_book_club_thats_been_stuck_on/",
"nsfw": false
} | 575,376 |
Would you happen to have a joke about mark read that you could tell me? | If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called,
[deleted] | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9hojk5/if_facebook_buys_gmail_instead_of_mark_as_read/",
"nsfw": false
} | 338,440 |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with budweiser wife? | A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his u... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/993hgp/a_wife_decides_to_take_her_husband_dave_to_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 355,163 |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves anal upvote. | My wife says if this post gets over 1000 upvotes, I can get anal.
Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7upeos/my_wife_says_if_this_post_gets_over_1000_upvotes/",
"nsfw": false
} | 469,456 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves generation sucks? | If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6d2lom/if_i_had_a_dollar_for_every_time_someone_over_40/",
"nsfw": false
} | 622,437 |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with fibers jim? | Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.
...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.
"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ae1315/carl_is_in_the_10th_year_of_a_life_sentence_when/",
"nsfw": false
} | 275,763 |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to election black? | "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5ceo87/youre_telling_me_that_im_losing_my_job_because/",
"nsfw": false
} | 761,067 |
Can you think of a joke that centers around gordon ramsay? | What is Gordon Ramsay's favorite subreddit?
It's fucking r/aww
edit: Fucking hell this blew up overnight. Thanks, you fuckin useless sacks of yankee dankee doodle shite | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6k64b6/what_is_gordon_ramsays_favorite_subreddit/",
"nsfw": false
} | 600,106 |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to girlfriend borrowed? | My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost Interest in that relationship. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8zwqq6/my_girlfriend_borrowed_100_from_me_after_3years/",
"nsfw": false
} | 374,247 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about changing rap? | R Kelly is really changing the rap game
He takes the art out of rap artist | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/atziea/r_kelly_is_really_changing_the_rap_game/",
"nsfw": false
} | 246,533 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves female janitor? | The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a9xbpv/the_female_janitor_at_my_building_asked_if_i/",
"nsfw": false
} | 283,849 |
What's a funny joke that relates to protection? | Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of h... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/72j71s/guy_doctor_my_girlfriend_is_pregnant_but_we/",
"nsfw": false
} | 543,014 |
Do you know any jokes related to girlfriend word? | Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/apli0e/why_is_girlfriend_one_word_but_best_friend_is_two/",
"nsfw": false
} | 254,160 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about situation bartender? | A man walks into a bar...
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my si... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/67vc0y/a_man_walks_into_a_bar/",
"nsfw": false
} | 640,913 |
How about a joke related to telling jokes? Do you have one? | [Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.
I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a9psdl/serious_just_a_reminder_to_be_careful_when/",
"nsfw": false
} | 284,226 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about wifi password? | Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888
So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
Edit: Holy moly! Wake up to a shiny gold. Thank you kind stranger.
Edit2: I can make a whole wordlist with all the password in here 😁. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6t0r3c/set_your_wifi_password_to_2444666668888888/",
"nsfw": false
} | 572,297 |
Can you think of a joke that relates to stoned leviticus that you could tell me? | By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6wwdlw/by_legalizing_cannabis_and_samesex_marriage_we/",
"nsfw": false
} | 560,076 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves 10 imaginary? | My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7v0je6/my_girlfriend_is_like_the_square_root_of_100/",
"nsfw": false
} | 468,648 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about findings meaningless? | Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."
Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7rxcqw/scientist_my_findings_are_meaningless_if_taken/",
"nsfw": false
} | 475,987 |
I'm in the mood for a joke about trump worm. Do you have any good ones? | What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9w3p8i/whats_the_difference_between_donald_trump_and_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 310,723 |
Would you happen to have a joke about happy valentines that you could tell me? | There's love without sex and there's sex without love...
Then there's You, without either.
Happy Valentines | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f3pudj/theres_love_without_sex_and_theres_sex_without/",
"nsfw": false
} | 32,615 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves teeth flossiraptor? | Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?
A Flossiraptor | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/910h9o/courtesy_of_my_6yo_daughter_what_do_you_call_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 371,911 |
Can you think of a joke that relates to sevens eights that you could tell me? | I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/aa2jqx/i_asked_my_wife_if_i_was_the_only_one_shes_been/",
"nsfw": false
} | 283,556 |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to womb pronounced. Do you have one? | If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced
"BOOM"
I hope that blew your minds
Edit: Due to popular opinion "Well, this post blew up". And thanks to the anonymous person who gave me my first award ever! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/dopasp/if_womb_is_pronounced_woom_tomb_is_pronounced/",
"nsfw": false
} | 92,570 |
What's a good joke that relates to coronavirus china? | All countries eventually got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fopdvz/all_countries_eventually_got_coronavirus/",
"nsfw": false
} | 6,025 |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with dave boss? | My favorite joke: Everyone Knows Dave
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/55gonm/my_favorite_joke_everyone_knows_dave/",
"nsfw": false
} | 789,442 |
Do you know any jokes related to asking australia? | As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you...
“School” is my answer | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/853mn4/as_an_aussie_americans_are_always_asking_me_where/",
"nsfw": false
} | 444,054 |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves sex position. | My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...
It's where I flip your MOM over | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/adoa6q/my_favourite_sex_position_is_called_wow/",
"nsfw": false
} | 276,471 |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to jewish girl? | I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.
I told her we use names here. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/87rred/i_met_a_jewish_girl_and_she_asked_for_my_number/",
"nsfw": false
} | 437,381 |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves sam spontaneously. | Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.
His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.
Sam was... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6nb0uo/once_upon_a_time_in_the_magical_fantasy_kingdom/",
"nsfw": false
} | 589,769 |
How about a joke related to ubisoft france? Do you have one? | Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in France. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6djcx7/why_is_ea_the_worst_gaming_company_in_america/",
"nsfw": false
} | 620,820 |
What's a good joke that relates to telling jokes? | [Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.
I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8queov/serious_just_a_reminder_to_be_careful_when/",
"nsfw": false
} | 393,035 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves dog butcher? | As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes th... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/85m3yy/as_a_butcher_is_shooing_a_dog_from_his_shophe/",
"nsfw": false
} | 442,745 |
Can you think of a joke that relates to mailman perplexed that you could tell me? | A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up
So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/abxd7g/a_mailman_notices_a_mailbox_with_the_flag_up/",
"nsfw": false
} | 279,790 |
I'm in the mood for a joke about average ejaculation. Do you have any good ones? | A single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB
That's a lot of information to swallow
-wow thanks for the upvotes and gold | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/71u6pt/a_single_sperm_has_375_mb_of_dna_information_in/",
"nsfw": false
} | 544,990 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about janitor clever? | A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is te... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9s3de7/a_professor_a_ceo_and_a_janitor_are_in_a_forest/",
"nsfw": false
} | 318,218 |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves christmas joke. | Christmas joke (NSFW)
A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"
Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying wal... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7lv4ah/christmas_joke_nsfw/",
"nsfw": false
} | 491,958 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about moose terrorist? | In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.
Those damn moose limbs. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/der5ke/in_canada_you_are_more_likely_to_die_of_a_kick_of/",
"nsfw": false
} | 105,392 |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with bartender remarks? | An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first mathematician orders a beer
The second orders half a beer
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematicia... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/929r9g/an_infinite_number_of_mathematicians_walk_into_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 369,382 |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves conspiracy theorists? | Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence . | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/764ljm/three_conspiracy_theorists_walk_into_a_bar/",
"nsfw": false
} | 533,543 |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with dwayne johnson? | A feminist told me about the "Dwayne Johnson Rule."
The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, 'Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?' If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a good rule. So I to... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ayepi5/a_feminist_told_me_about_the_dwayne_johnson_rule/",
"nsfw": false
} | 239,008 |
Would you be willing to share a joke about write sand with me? | My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on
I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9cqwxg/my_sister_asked_for_me_to_bring_her_something/",
"nsfw": false
} | 347,751 |
Would you happen to have a joke about change light that you could tell me? | How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9y4zk3/how_many_brexiteers_does_it_take_to_change_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 306,852 |
Can you share a joke that involves keeping michelle? | Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Edit: Yes, yes MILLIONS. I wasn't sure if those sources were true or not when I posted.
Also, the spam from the Trump... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5pds29/looks_like_trump_is_keeping_up_michelles_ideals/",
"nsfw": false
} | 707,616 |
Would you happen to have a joke about accidentally farts that you could tell me? | If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9asy4v/if_queen_elizabeth_accidentally_farts_during/",
"nsfw": false
} | 351,682 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves trump wall? | Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall
On the condition he gets to install windows.
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5tn84z/breaking_news_bill_gates_has_agreed_to_pay_for/",
"nsfw": false
} | 692,456 |
What's a funny joke that relates to lawyer present? | A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/86f44u/a_man_in_an_interrogation_room_says_im_not_saying/",
"nsfw": false
} | 440,879 |
Do you know any jokes related to funeral? | A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7c2iav/a_man_takes_his_seat_at_the_world_cup_final_he/",
"nsfw": false
} | 517,781 |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to hole countries? | Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".
The correct term is "turd-world countries". | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7q8bi2/trump_should_not_have_said_shithole_countries/",
"nsfw": false
} | 480,025 |
I'm in the mood for a joke about giving dimes. Do you have any good ones? | If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8gsnkg/if_i_had_a_dime_for_every_time_i_didnt_understand/",
"nsfw": false
} | 415,321 |
Can you think of a joke that centers around south border? | Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
[deleted] | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a4my5x/call_me_a_racist_if_you_want_but_south_of_the/",
"nsfw": false
} | 294,748 |
What's a funny joke that relates to nsfw mother? | NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the clos... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/antpz2/nsfw_a_mother_was_walking_down_the_hall_when_she/",
"nsfw": false
} | 257,421 |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with bring mp5? | My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/au9hcq/my_bullies_broke_my_mp3player_at_school_luckily/",
"nsfw": false
} | 245,989 |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves jim old? | The husband leans over and asks his wife
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we c... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7rpwn5/the_husband_leans_over_and_asks_his_wife/",
"nsfw": false
} | 476,481 |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to killed cockroach? | Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6j8mzd/yesterday_my_daughter_was_playing_in_the_garden/",
"nsfw": false
} | 602,828 |
What's a funny joke that relates to fetish figuring? | I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.
I just came to that realization. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ach9aa/ive_developed_a_fetish_for_figuring_things_out/",
"nsfw": false
} | 278,654 |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with postmen angry? | If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...
They become VERY ANGRY. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/99vf9s/if_you_rearrange_the_letters_of_postmen/",
"nsfw": false
} | 353,605 |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves engagement serena? | Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.
If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5l056q/many_people_are_surprised_by_the_engagement_of/",
"nsfw": false
} | 725,309 |
I'm in the mood for a joke about sex tarzan. Do you have any good ones? | Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.
Jane then explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fphm7u/jane_always_had_a_certain_attraction_to_tarzan_so/",
"nsfw": false
} | 4,861 |
Would you happen to have a joke about congress impeach that you could tell me? | Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ha91n/why_will_the_congress_never_impeach_trump/",
"nsfw": false
} | 504,402 |
How about a joke related to asking australia? Do you have one? | As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you...
“School” is my answer | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/95klx6/as_an_aussie_americans_are_always_asking_me_where/",
"nsfw": false
} | 362,906 |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about comparing apples? | Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
EDIT: epic | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6vat7y/steve_jobs_wouldve_been_a_better_president_than/",
"nsfw": false
} | 565,122 |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to taken irishman. Do you have one? | A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather b... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/dahlm3/a_mormon_was_seated_next_to_an_irishman_on_a/",
"nsfw": false
} | 112,256 |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to french nightie? | A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the ... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fpzmy0/a_woman_cranky_because_her_husband_was_late/",
"nsfw": false
} | 4,209 |
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